Your Happy Pills and Sugar Jars
A few years ago today, I found myself very devastated about my situation, my future, and myself. These days, I feel that I am smiling a little bit more every day.
Healing my emotional wound was a long long journey for me. I do not remember how it all started and what triggered me, all I know is I am in an invisible pain that no one would probably understand.
It was a struggle trying to articulate my own words. It was a challenge to figure out what really bothered me. It was difficult to manage my thoughts and regulate my emotions at the same time.
Now that I am older, I found out that I felt these overwhelming feelings all at once: fear, guilt, anger, love, and compassion. No wonder it was too much for me to handle.
It took me decades to realize this and work on my healing for a few years. Of course, we won’t expect the immediate outcome. Especially, the wounded side of us will always be there. No matter how we want to forget about it, it will always stay as part of who we are. The scars that no one can see are just a reminder of our existence.
While burnout at work really became the trigger of my realization that I am burning out, I also found out that I have been burning myself at any stage of my life.
I have been blind and did not see it coming because hitting that dopamine high was what mattered to me. Ticking off the to-do list, accomplishing milestones, and proving I am worthy enough to be recognized were everything to me.
Now, that built-in habit of mine keeps haunting me in my adult life. While it was my coping mechanism to survive and thrive, I also reached the breaking point. It slowly began to eat me alive.
Thanks to the power of a support system, therapy, and bountiful rest and adjustment period I have acquired from work — also thanks to myself who did all this inner work to feel better — I was able to overcome the challenges I was facing.
We don’t have to do everything alone. At the end of the day, we all grow together as human beings.
No matter where you are in your mental health journey, just remember that someone is always willing to listen to you and give you a warm hug whenever you need it. They are your happy pills and sugar jars.
Originally published at https://erinne0217.wordpress.com on October 14, 2023.
