My Reverse Bucket Lists
The lack of self-confidence and allowing self-doubt to consume my soul makes me even harder to decide
Not taking the other path because it makes me scared, because I am not trusting myself enough that I might not be able to overcome it — probably much more dangerous than not taking the risk. If I consistently gaslight myself into thinking that, maybe I was the wrong one in this situation, it won’t really take me anywhere.
Fear-based decision-making might preserve my energy to run away from fear, but what if it holds me back from attaining something greater than this?
I am in no way saying that I am ungrateful for everything that I have and deeply appreciate everything that they have done for me — but should that stop me from exploring better things that life could have offered me?
Yes, I know that some really acknowledged my effort and some valued my performance well — but why do I feel excessively indebted to the people even though there is no denying that it has caused me a lot of pain too?
Yes, I know that I could have learned how to prioritize things, to set boundaries, and to cope with the stress in a better way — but why do I always feel that it has been always my fault that I keep burning myself a lot?
Yes, I know that my mental health matters to me more than anything and maybe being challenged is not my main priority — but why do I feel so disempowered and not inspired anymore?
I don’t want to live in fear.
I don’t want to live in denial. I don’t want to live a life feeling like I cannot control my life. I don’t like to spend another day feeling depleted. I don’t like to spend hours thinking I could have done something else. I don’t like life passing me by because I was too scared to take risks.
See? Sometimes reverse bucket list works more than a to-do bucket list when it comes to decision-making.
Because the emotions attached to what we don’t want or what we don’t like are stronger than the things we might want and like. We might be able to buy into what others think about our wants and likes based on their personal preferences and experiences — but the things we don’t want and don’t like are purely subjective.
Strong emotions don’t lie.
Originally published at https://erinne0217.wordpress.com on June 3, 2023.
